The Day We Lost Our Home to the Palisades Fire
You may have heard that my family and I were among the many who lost our homes in the Palisades fire. We’re safe, and thankfully, we have insurance.
First, I want to say how incredibly grateful I am for the support we’ve received from friends, relatives, acquaintances, even strangers. You have no idea what a difference it makes to know that others care.
I’m sharing our personal story along with some practical tools that are helping me in hopes it will help someone else. I know so many of you have also been impacted by the fires in some way. I think you'll find these strategies can be applied to any stressful situation.
People Often Wonder: What would you take if you had to abandon your home?
It started with my husband coming into my office saying he saw flames in the hills above. About an hour later we received a prepare-to-evacuate alert, and I truly believed it was just precautionary. In fact, I remained on my Zoom call. But my husband, wisely, started gathering things.
From time to time there are fires up there, but we’re pretty far away and in the almost 30 years we’ve lived here we’ve never been evacuated or felt threatened in any way.
In the end, we left with the box of important documents we’ve maintained for years knowing we were at risk for earthquakes here in California – never seriously considering any particular fire danger because (for those who know the neighborhood) we always thought Sunset would provide a certain fire break.
We also took framed photos, plus the ones in boxes from back in the day when pictures had to be printed, which was when our kids were little, my mom was still alive. I’m so happy that we still have those!
As an afterthought, we grabbed a few pairs of socks and underwear, a pair of pants, a shirt, and for me, the PJs on our bed (happened to be the matching mongogramed PJs my daughter had given me just a few weeks ago)
I absolutely thought all this was just precautionary. Losing everything hadn’t really crossed my mind.
The Moment We Knew.
The day we learned our house was gone was a bit of a roller coaster. We knew from television footage that the fire had crossed that line I mentioned above. Initially, a neighbor’s son sent a video of our street, and it seemed like our home had survived. But as we watched closely with our adult kids, it became clear—it wasn’t our house at all.
The house we thought was ours belonged to another family, and ours had been completely destroyed. We played the video frame by frame, identifying trees and chimneys until the truth sunk in. My daughter said, “That’s where our house would be—but I don’t see anything.”
Beyond the Possessions.
Sure there’s our stuff, but beyond that our whole town has been wiped out.
On Sunday, I woke up realizing we wouldn’t be going to the farmers market. Every week we walk into town with our dog to buy a fresh loaf of Jyan Isaac’s sourdough bread, Gourmet Soup Kitchen’s vegetarian soups, 3 baskets of fresh strawberries from Benjamin all while stopping to chat with friends we see.
I often joked that we never went east of the 405. Our kids were born here and attended the local everything – from preschool at KI all the way through high school at Pali High, dance at Fancy Feet, and karate at Gerry Blanck’s. After almost 30 years, it was nearly impossible to go to the market without bumping into someone we knew.
The Kindness of Family, Friends and Strangers
Even before we knew our house was gone, friends and family began offering help. One after another, they opened their doors, jokingly turning this disaster into a tempting trip across America describing their places for us to consider : "drive up to Marin," "Washington with a water view," "Lou's cabin at the marsh," "Texas with a boat and Sea-Doos," “Dallas with a wing of the house to ourselves”, "Portsmouth where the bed was already made up for us".
In that same text thread, a dear friend added, "My closet is your closet." It wasn’t hyperbole. After learning that we had indeed lost our house, she literally went through her closet with me and outfitted me with everything one might need: two pairs of jeans, a nice outfit, three blouses, three tank tops, a jean jacket, a leather jacket, sweaters, workout clothes, accessories to complete the looks, and even a bathing suit. She wanted to give me more and would have, had I not set a limit!
I hope you’ll indulge me as I share a few more examples of people’s kindness.
As we were evacuating, not knowing exactly where we’d go, I connected with my dad’s wife while they were literally on the tarmac going to Japan. She scrambled to find a way to get keys for us so we could stay at their house while they were away and beyond.
A few days ago we received a call from Finney’s Crafthouse, the restaurant where we’d just eaten dinner. They had our number because they’d used it to tell us when our table was ready. The Manager called to say she’d overheard our story and that she was reversing the charges so the meal was on the house.
This morning, the mother of one of my son’s friends called to say she was coming out of retirement as an architect to design our house. But there’s more, she insisted she wouldn’t charge us anything.
The generosity of my friends, family, and strangers has been unfathomable. It’s turned something heart breaking into something that’s also heart warming. Their support has made this experience completely different than it could have been.
A Few Strategies Helping Me That May Help You in Any Stressful Situation.
This past week I’ve leaned heavily on the tools I’ve learned as a coach and witnessed firsthand just how powerful they are in practice. Similarly, clients navigating losses, evacuations and fears of evacuation have shared how the strategies they’ve learned from me have provided comfort and clarity during this unimaginable time.
So, I want to share some here in hopes that they might bring support and ease to you now or in any stressful situation you may face in the future.
The Power of Journaling -
That first night after learning our house was gone, I was tossing and turning. I remembered the advice I give clients: If you’re restless, get up and do something calming. I grabbed my journal and started writing.
This wasn’t about keeping a diary. It was about dumping everything in my head onto the page. Writing helped me see what was troubling me most and that’s what brought up all the emotions I hadn’t even realized I was feeling. It’s incredible how much relief you get just by getting it all out of your head and onto paper.
Reframing Thoughts
I noticed that I was feeling most overwhelmed by all the decisions I’d have to make – where to live, what clothes to buy, how to rebuild. Realizing that, I was able to reframe my thinking … I could use this as an opportunity to get better at making decisions.
I know decision making is not going to suddenly become easy for me, but it gives me the chance to choose where to focus my attention. It really is surprising how much power we have over our experience of any situation when we choose to approach it with intention.
Creating Safety in Stressful Moments
My coach (yes, coaches have coaches too) reminded me of a simple yet powerful tool for any stressful situation: start by creating a sense of safety.
Here’s how:
Take a deep breath and blow it out slowly.
Place one or both hands on your heart.
Repeat reassuring statements:
I am safe.
My family is safe.
I will be OK.
I can handle what’s needed today.
I have the support I need.
Grief, Gratitude, and Growth
I’m grieving the loss of my home and community while also feeling immense gratitude for the support and connection this experience has brought into my life. In just a few days, I’ve noticed how much closer I feel towards my family and friends. And, in the end, what’s more fabulous than that?
While I hope you never face something like this, I also know that stress comes in many forms. Whether it’s a major loss or a daily struggle, these tools can help you find calm and clarity.
My hope is that by sharing my story, I can bring even a small sense of comfort or light to anyone who is struggling.
Coaching isn’t just my work—it’s my way of connecting, and it helps me as much as it helps you. Just writing this feels good thinking that it might help even one person feel even a little lighter.
Please feel free to share
For those in my neighborhood who are navigating this same devastating loss right now—or if you know someone who is—please feel free to share these tips or reach out to me to talk.
Thank you for being part of my community, and for caring enough to read this.
With love and gratitude,